Crossing Things Off of The List

Here is where I left the list last December, and a bunch of things I am taking the liberty of crossing off the list.

#7 Get a Cambridge Somerville library card

In June I moved to THE BEST APARTMENT EVER in Somerville. Meaning I will now be pining after a Somerville library card. Technically I think Somerville and Cambridge libraries are all connected by the same Minute Man library system, but, for accuracy's sake, Somerville library card.

#15 Create a "best of 2010" playlist for 2010

2010 was so long ago. My ever aging brain can barely remember what happened last week or where I left my car keys, so fat chance of this happening.

#17 Take a belaying class

I didn't actually like rock climbing that much. I am afraid of heights, and was only rock climbing as a means to hang out with a boy I no longer speak to. Strike that, there are too many hobbies and too little time on earth to hang on to this dream.

#21 Learn how to use grandmother's sewing machine

Her sewing machine ended up in my parent's garage last time I cleaned out my car.

#22 DIY all the extra photo frames I have

All empty photo frames are filled with artwork from 5 year olds or got thrown out in the move. I think I may have spray painted a few of them a few months ago, but whatever, I forget now.

#26 Paint Fix my bike

My bike is broken and needs to be fixed before I can paint it. And I guess actually I need money before I can do either of these things. But really I need money before I even wake up or breathe everyday, so we'll leave that preclusion an unsaid assumption here.

#32Let Will take me snowboarding

We don't talk anymore, which, if I had really meant to be productive, would've been on the list when I began this blog.




Cool. Clean house. I also totally completed some of the items on the list (WHEN I WASN'T EVEN MEANING TO) over the past 8 months, and also have some other, newer dreams to add. I'm sure you will all be refreshing fervently until I update again.

I'M BAAAAAACK

Hi Guys.

I updated my About Me. I have been seriously considering and think I have decided on making a comeback to this sweet little slice of the internet. My life could use some direction again.

A for real life update is in the works.

#40 Find My Diploma

Finding my diploma is hard. I've called Northeastern 3 times this week (serious pain, I hate calling places) and been assured that my diploma has indeed been sent to my parent's new house on the cape, rather than their old, now occupied with people who have babies house in New Hampshire, where they claim to have sent it to three times. Yeah sure, Northeastern Office of Commencement. I place about as much faith in that as I do in my second graders who claim that yes in fact that did they wash their hands after using the bathroom, even though I was standing right outside the door and didn't hear the sink running.

This situation exactly sums up everything I hate about being a grown up. Nothing works like it's supposed to. And everything takes a billion phone calls and and a bunch of recalling your student ID and your phone pin and verifying your date of birth and mother's maiden name to fix.

I'm exhausted and I want to be 7 again. No Friday mix, again. I know. I wish I was 7. 7 year olds don't make Friday mixes. Or feel sorry about anything.

Extra Credit Reading: Tilde Journal

Tilde Journal is an ongoing, international collaboration of emerging talent featuring photography, illustration, painting, poetry, fiction and more. The first print issue will be available in December.

My lazy bum didn't write anything for this issue (despite meaning to), but I did submit an older photo or two, in addition to all the (I'm sure) beautiful work submitted by everyone else.

The zine is now available for pre-order (through Dec 12) here for $5 plus $1 S&H. You can also enter to win a free copy here at Vivian and the Dream of Horses and here at Bip Bopping Days.

Adding to the list: submit writing for the next issue. Silly girl. Duh.

#39 Watch Some Movies I Haven't Seen Before

Despite being pretty smart and usually having a pretty firm grasp on the ever shifting reality of the universe as it unfolds around me - I hate watching new movies, because committing to watch a movie I've never seen before, whether it be in the theatre or in my living room, causes giant waves of anxiety to wash over me. Anyone who's ever watched a movie I haven't seen before with me knows that I spend the first 5 or 10 minutes doing some pretty serious worrying that I have absolutely no idea what's happening (WHO IS THAT????? WHAT ARE THEY DOING???? WHY??? WHERE ARE THEY??????) and maybe never will. I'm always afraid I'll miss some critical detail in the set up of a movie that will leave me completely unequipped to fully understand the development of a particular character or plot line. I think I just am a book lover. Being shown and not told... I don't know, my brain isn't always ready to do that.

This is a total bummer though, guys. Because we live in a world where people think you are CRAZY and SHELTERED if you have not seen every film considered to be of critical dramatic, comedic, romantic or horrific importance. "WHAT WHO HASN'T SEEN THAT," you all shout at me. Some of us just don't like movies. I'm not constantly up your bum about the fact that you've unfamiliar with the complete works of Hemingway or Fitzgerald or Salinger. That you haven't the foggiest idea who J. Alfred Prufrock is. No, and even though I think you're definitely missing out, I just think we live in a culture where a familiarity with films (and music) make up a fundamental part of our social currency, where as books don't really hold the same weight. (See Dad, this is why I can't cancel my Netflix).

So, I've been feeling like my social currency is lacking, due to all the film watching I haven't done. But that all ends here. Watch some movies I haven't seen before. On purpose. Set out to do so, purposefully. Well, check and check, because guys I totally have been doing this. Last week I watched two great movies. All by myself. Both were recommended by friends (which I absolutely appreciate and am open to hearing any and all movies you think it'd be a travesty if I missed), and were great.

The first was Stand By Me, a 1986 coming of age movie adaptation of Stephen King's novella The Body. This movie was so good and I'm only sorry I didn't see it earlier so I could have had an immense childhood crush on River Phoenix and Corey Feldmen instead of the weird, don't know how I feel about it crush I have on them now. Good movie.



The second movie was not just good, Badlands was epically great. Badlands was made in 1973 and features Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek as Charles Starkweather and his 14 year old girlfriend, Caril Ann Fugate - the young couple who, in 1958, went on a road trip killing spree after Starkweather shot Fugate's father. The combination of the inherently interesting story and the beautiful, perfect, genius cinematography and acting makes this a movie I wanted to immediately watch again and read every piece of critique I could get my hands on. Totally recommend.



If you want to read more about this film, here is a brief piece of writing from a blog called the judgemental observer that gives a quick overview of just why this movie is so great.

Check. And a work in checking progress.

#37 Make Myself A Budget

Well, budget-making was severely depressing. Surprise, surprise. I had been waiting to receive all my payment due notices from the lenders of my student loans to finally calculate a figure of how much I owe, just in student loans, each month. Drum roll. $916.56. Is. This. Real. Life.

I hate to talk about money (I like to pretend it doesn't really matter, mostly), but let me put this into perspective for you: I make like $1400-$1500 a month, during a good month, where I get extra hours at school and babysit. My rent is $750 a month. My utilities are like $90 / month. If i had to give up my gym ($10/month) or netflix ($8/month) memberships, I think I'd die. Not to mention the money I spend on food, clothes, booze and my other various bad habits.

If you're not in the negative numbers yet, you suck at math.

Guys, I am like PERMANENTLY BROKE right now. I am like want to vomit thinking about it broke. I am like really freakin' broke at this juncture in my life. I am making car payments on a car I've only put 200 miles on and haven't been able to drive for almost a month (still in the shop post-rear end accident) and loan payments on a degree I'm not using AND CAN'T EVEN HANG UP IN MY HOUSE, BECAUSE IT'S LOST IN NORTHEASTERN LIMBO (add to the list: locate my Master's degree) (so I can cuddle it in bed at night, while I cry myself to sleep).

GUYS I AM SO BROKE. I am eating ramen for dinner and drinking strictly tap water broke. Ugh.



Spare me your "at least you have your heath"s while I wallow. Seriously.

Adding to the list: get a second job. Or a real one. Or a sugar daddy.

Add to the List...

#37 Make myself a budget. I tend to pretend that financial issues don't exist. That money grows on trees and slides down rainbows into my bank account. That anything under $20 really doesn't make a dent. Time to own up and be a grown up.
#38 Make myself a new playlist to listen to while I run. I'm bored of the same 30 songs I've been listening to for like 2 months now.
#39 Watch some movies I haven't seen before. i don't know how I got to this point of life without seeing 80% of the movies everyone else has seen and won't shut up about - but here I am. I think it's because in the moment where I sit down to watch a movie by myself I'd rather re-watch something I already know I like than commit to something new. But no longer! I will commit to new things.

Adding things to the list is hard. There's not actually that much I want to do in life lately.

Also, i deleted a few things off The List that I really did not care about doing. I can do that and you can't stop me. There are no rules, it's my party.

#36: Friday Mix Tape #3

In the afterburn of a pretty drawn out and kind of heart-wrenching break up, I have been kind of a mess. Kind of displaced. Kind of lazy. Kind of. I've just been kind of. This particular break up has brought with it a resurgence of feelings and memories related to a rather awful, heavy heartache I went through in high school that still makes me a little nauseous to think about. I can feel myself trying to cope the same way I did at 17, maybe because in my head I know the girl I was then lived through it. Whatever, I'm going to live, I know.

Also it's Thanksgiving (Happy Thanksgiving, ps). Despite being thoroughly stoked to be headed to Cape Cod instead of towards the Granite State for the first time in 5 years, I feel weird. I mean, I guess it's like quitting cigarettes right (I've been using this metaphor a lot lately, which is either incredibly lazy-brain or indicative). You consciously resist, but can't help subconsciously to yearn for. Want so badly the very thing you know will kill you.

Anyway, for your time, I present to you, from behind the rose tinted glases of catharsis: the songs I still like that got me through past heartaches as well as some more recent, nicotine-free, cigarette shaped substitutes.

01 Tigers Jaw - Plane vs Tank vs Submarine



02 Uncle Tupelo - Wait Up



03 Cap'n Jazz - Oh Messy Life



04 Defiance, Ohio - Dissimilarity Complex


"And it's dark when I get off.
It's been that way since four o'clock.
I love the hustle of the Jackson stop,
but it scares me how I can turn it off (or down to a murmur).

There's so many different worlds I could stumble upon.
But they flicker by as frames from the tracks I'm on.
That stretch out across the land like rays,
but do they take us where we really want to go?

I'm shaken. I'm tired.

I've heard so many of my friends say the same thing:
that they're searching for a change.
But this life's like cold water, you can't slip into it,
you can't slip into it again.

All I wanted was to dive so deep in something
I could feel the weight like water at the deep end of the pool.
But I've got all these questions like
am I selfish? Or,
is this myopic? Or,
am I overthinking it?
But overthinking is the thing that I've done best.

I'm shaken. I'm tired."

05 Limbeck - Honk + Wave
I'm a little distressed / bummed the only youtube videos of this song are crappy, live cell phone videos (the single thing I find most annoying on the whole internet) and videos of some kid and their guitars butchering this track. Whatever, I can't play the guitar. Or sing. The least butchery cover I could find:


Or you can listen to a clip of the track here.

06 Mineral - Love My Way (Psychadelic Furs cover)



07 Japandroids - Young Hearts Spark Fire



08 ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead - Worlds Apart



09 Sunny Day Real Estate - Guitar and Video Games


better video (embedding disabled) hurrrrrr

10 Morrissey - Suedehead



As usual, get at me for the mp3s.

#14 Write More

I arbitrarily said 10 things I'm happy with. I don't know what "things" are, or what "happy with" entails. Little daunting, Ambition. Relax.

Revised goal: just write more. Even if it is dumb. Okay. So I am going to write more. You can read the things I write. Here, on my livejournal (because it's never stopped being 2003 in my heart) and MOST RECENTLY (hence the update) on this tumblr I started (5 mins ago), called TODAY AS STEPH, in which I post a picture and instruct you how to be me as I was today, as if that were something you were interested in doing. It is kind of lame and whatever the opposite of a lofty endeavor might be - but, it is another small reason to transfer words from my brain into being.

Okay. Also, I made that butternut squash / peanut butter soup again tonight. And I am for real life great at making soup. Super-check. Check in sharpie. Checked forever. Double check. Mega check. Great at soup.

#36: Friday Mix Tape #2

I don't know what's going on in my life. Here are some songs that I love. As usual, if you love them and find them missing in your life, just holla at me and I'll happily send them your way.

Without further ado, Friday Mix Tape #2:

01 Bult to Spill - Carry the Zero

Built to Spill - Carry the Zero from Cameron O on Vimeo.

02 The Stone Roses - I Wanna Be Adored


03 Drop Nineteens - My Aquarium


04 Santogold - Lights Out
This album is all I've been listening to at the gym this week. So good. I know "upbeat" music burns more calories per hour, or WHATEVER, but I wasn't at all in an upbeat workout type of mood this week, and this hit the spot so good.


05 The Naked and Famous - Young Blood


06 Spirit Spine - Flashes


07 Beach Fossils - Golden Age


I've been spending a lot of my free time laying in bed, watching movies, writing, listening to music and trying to forget about anything outside of bed. I've been doing pretty excellent at it, but it's not really fun to blog about (or read about for that matter, I'm sure). Maybe I'll start doing stuff again next week. Momentarily, all that's on my agenda is paying my student loans, avoiding getting sick and keeping my head up.

Later dudes.