#37 Make Myself A Budget

Well, budget-making was severely depressing. Surprise, surprise. I had been waiting to receive all my payment due notices from the lenders of my student loans to finally calculate a figure of how much I owe, just in student loans, each month. Drum roll. $916.56. Is. This. Real. Life.

I hate to talk about money (I like to pretend it doesn't really matter, mostly), but let me put this into perspective for you: I make like $1400-$1500 a month, during a good month, where I get extra hours at school and babysit. My rent is $750 a month. My utilities are like $90 / month. If i had to give up my gym ($10/month) or netflix ($8/month) memberships, I think I'd die. Not to mention the money I spend on food, clothes, booze and my other various bad habits.

If you're not in the negative numbers yet, you suck at math.

Guys, I am like PERMANENTLY BROKE right now. I am like want to vomit thinking about it broke. I am like really freakin' broke at this juncture in my life. I am making car payments on a car I've only put 200 miles on and haven't been able to drive for almost a month (still in the shop post-rear end accident) and loan payments on a degree I'm not using AND CAN'T EVEN HANG UP IN MY HOUSE, BECAUSE IT'S LOST IN NORTHEASTERN LIMBO (add to the list: locate my Master's degree) (so I can cuddle it in bed at night, while I cry myself to sleep).

GUYS I AM SO BROKE. I am eating ramen for dinner and drinking strictly tap water broke. Ugh.



Spare me your "at least you have your heath"s while I wallow. Seriously.

Adding to the list: get a second job. Or a real one. Or a sugar daddy.

Add to the List...

#37 Make myself a budget. I tend to pretend that financial issues don't exist. That money grows on trees and slides down rainbows into my bank account. That anything under $20 really doesn't make a dent. Time to own up and be a grown up.
#38 Make myself a new playlist to listen to while I run. I'm bored of the same 30 songs I've been listening to for like 2 months now.
#39 Watch some movies I haven't seen before. i don't know how I got to this point of life without seeing 80% of the movies everyone else has seen and won't shut up about - but here I am. I think it's because in the moment where I sit down to watch a movie by myself I'd rather re-watch something I already know I like than commit to something new. But no longer! I will commit to new things.

Adding things to the list is hard. There's not actually that much I want to do in life lately.

Also, i deleted a few things off The List that I really did not care about doing. I can do that and you can't stop me. There are no rules, it's my party.

#36: Friday Mix Tape #3

In the afterburn of a pretty drawn out and kind of heart-wrenching break up, I have been kind of a mess. Kind of displaced. Kind of lazy. Kind of. I've just been kind of. This particular break up has brought with it a resurgence of feelings and memories related to a rather awful, heavy heartache I went through in high school that still makes me a little nauseous to think about. I can feel myself trying to cope the same way I did at 17, maybe because in my head I know the girl I was then lived through it. Whatever, I'm going to live, I know.

Also it's Thanksgiving (Happy Thanksgiving, ps). Despite being thoroughly stoked to be headed to Cape Cod instead of towards the Granite State for the first time in 5 years, I feel weird. I mean, I guess it's like quitting cigarettes right (I've been using this metaphor a lot lately, which is either incredibly lazy-brain or indicative). You consciously resist, but can't help subconsciously to yearn for. Want so badly the very thing you know will kill you.

Anyway, for your time, I present to you, from behind the rose tinted glases of catharsis: the songs I still like that got me through past heartaches as well as some more recent, nicotine-free, cigarette shaped substitutes.

01 Tigers Jaw - Plane vs Tank vs Submarine



02 Uncle Tupelo - Wait Up



03 Cap'n Jazz - Oh Messy Life



04 Defiance, Ohio - Dissimilarity Complex


"And it's dark when I get off.
It's been that way since four o'clock.
I love the hustle of the Jackson stop,
but it scares me how I can turn it off (or down to a murmur).

There's so many different worlds I could stumble upon.
But they flicker by as frames from the tracks I'm on.
That stretch out across the land like rays,
but do they take us where we really want to go?

I'm shaken. I'm tired.

I've heard so many of my friends say the same thing:
that they're searching for a change.
But this life's like cold water, you can't slip into it,
you can't slip into it again.

All I wanted was to dive so deep in something
I could feel the weight like water at the deep end of the pool.
But I've got all these questions like
am I selfish? Or,
is this myopic? Or,
am I overthinking it?
But overthinking is the thing that I've done best.

I'm shaken. I'm tired."

05 Limbeck - Honk + Wave
I'm a little distressed / bummed the only youtube videos of this song are crappy, live cell phone videos (the single thing I find most annoying on the whole internet) and videos of some kid and their guitars butchering this track. Whatever, I can't play the guitar. Or sing. The least butchery cover I could find:


Or you can listen to a clip of the track here.

06 Mineral - Love My Way (Psychadelic Furs cover)



07 Japandroids - Young Hearts Spark Fire



08 ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead - Worlds Apart



09 Sunny Day Real Estate - Guitar and Video Games


better video (embedding disabled) hurrrrrr

10 Morrissey - Suedehead



As usual, get at me for the mp3s.

#14 Write More

I arbitrarily said 10 things I'm happy with. I don't know what "things" are, or what "happy with" entails. Little daunting, Ambition. Relax.

Revised goal: just write more. Even if it is dumb. Okay. So I am going to write more. You can read the things I write. Here, on my livejournal (because it's never stopped being 2003 in my heart) and MOST RECENTLY (hence the update) on this tumblr I started (5 mins ago), called TODAY AS STEPH, in which I post a picture and instruct you how to be me as I was today, as if that were something you were interested in doing. It is kind of lame and whatever the opposite of a lofty endeavor might be - but, it is another small reason to transfer words from my brain into being.

Okay. Also, I made that butternut squash / peanut butter soup again tonight. And I am for real life great at making soup. Super-check. Check in sharpie. Checked forever. Double check. Mega check. Great at soup.

#36: Friday Mix Tape #2

I don't know what's going on in my life. Here are some songs that I love. As usual, if you love them and find them missing in your life, just holla at me and I'll happily send them your way.

Without further ado, Friday Mix Tape #2:

01 Bult to Spill - Carry the Zero

Built to Spill - Carry the Zero from Cameron O on Vimeo.

02 The Stone Roses - I Wanna Be Adored


03 Drop Nineteens - My Aquarium


04 Santogold - Lights Out
This album is all I've been listening to at the gym this week. So good. I know "upbeat" music burns more calories per hour, or WHATEVER, but I wasn't at all in an upbeat workout type of mood this week, and this hit the spot so good.


05 The Naked and Famous - Young Blood


06 Spirit Spine - Flashes


07 Beach Fossils - Golden Age


I've been spending a lot of my free time laying in bed, watching movies, writing, listening to music and trying to forget about anything outside of bed. I've been doing pretty excellent at it, but it's not really fun to blog about (or read about for that matter, I'm sure). Maybe I'll start doing stuff again next week. Momentarily, all that's on my agenda is paying my student loans, avoiding getting sick and keeping my head up.

Later dudes.

#34 Make a Kick Bum Pie for the Pie Party

Anyone who knows me knows that I like chocolate chip cookies more than most things, so when, during my two week long hunt for pie recipes in anticipation for my friend Stephanie from work's pie party turned up a real live, no kidding CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE PIE RECIPE, I was sold on sight. Look at this decadent monstrosity (gain 10lbs just doing so):



I would have been crazy to not pluck this gem from amongst the field of miscellaneous fruit (gag) and fruit combination (gag gag) pies. I mean I will eat your fruit pies, I just don't want to make one. Fruit pies just aren't, well, they are not tasty by nature. You have to put some real chef-grease toward a fruit pie to make it tasty - but chocolate chip cookie pie - that's un-mess-upable, right? Steph proof pie. Also, I already had most of the ingredients. Fate.

This pie was not only incredibly easy to make, but also outrageously delicious (as were all the pies at the party - mango, peach, pepper quiche, apple and coconut creme alike). I promise you will not be disappointed if you make this pie. I know you want to. Here's how!

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE PIE
(from Bakerella)

Step 1: Thaw frozen pie crust (because you're using frozen pie crust. you're making chocolate chip cookie pie, you obviously don't care about The Rules of Dessert. stop worrying about the haters and thaw that frozen pie crust). FYI when you purchase frozen pie crust, it comes in an aluminum pan. It says "remove crust from packaging". They (apparently) don't mean the aluminium pan. If you remove it from the pan, when it thaws, it will crack. Trust me.

Step 2: Beat two eggs (until foamy) in a bowl (with the electric mixer you once again had to borrow from your friend's roommate, because you don't own an electric mixer). Then beat in: 1/2 cup flour, 1/2 cup sugar and 1/2 cup brown sugar. Then beat in 1 1/2 sticks of butter (gross, I know, just do it).



Step 3: Stir in 1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips and 1 cup of chopped pecans. Spoon dough into (thawed) pie crust. Bake at 325 for about an hour.



Step 4: After cooling serve warm and with vanilla ice cream.



I know. Your thighs hate me, but your mouth loves it. Ignore the confliction and dive in. I think I'm going to make this again for Thanksgiving. Cause this pie definitely kicked bum! Check!

Extra Credit Reading: Ear Worms

or Why Songs Get Stuck In Your Head

Short article abut ear worms, how to get songs out of your head, and why on earth they get stuck there in the first place.

Extra Credit Reading: Music Enhances Happiness

Cheerful Music Can Make Everyone Around You Look Happy

A great reason to crank those happy tunes in your headphones a little louder and have an awesomer Friday than you expected to have 5 hours ago (ok, 1 hour ago if you're me) when you could barely drag yourself out of bed.

#37: Friday Mix Tape #1

From me, to you - the very first installment of the Friday Mix Tape (check)!

01 Atmosphere - Get Fly


02 No Age - Life Prowler
I am so into this whole entire album right now. So good.


03 Matt & Kim - Block After Block
The first track off their (amazing, energetic, make me dance my pants off) 2010 album Sidewalks


04 We Were Promised Jetpacks - Moving Clocks Run Slow


05 Wavves - Linus Spacehead


06 Future Islands - Long Flight
I hated this song at first, but it grew on me and is now stuck in my head a lot.


07 The Joy Formidable - Whirring
Totally stoked to be seeing them at Great Scott tomorrow night - tickets are still available, you should join!


I'll happily email you any / all mp3s you feel you need so you can get down at your own digression, just say the word ("please!")

Until next week..

#36 Make Encouraging Banner Wall Art

Bummin' around the house tonight.. no school (work!) for me tomorrow and nada to do tonight, save for catching up on my DVR and eating pad thai and heaps of edamame delivered straight from Spice & Rice, so I thought it would be the perfect time to bust into my Cabinet O' Art Supplies and start an encouraging banner.

Now, when I envisioned making said banner, I pictured myself gathering all the scraps of fabric I have, finally learning how to use my grandmother's sewing machine (making this a double check kind of night) and making a really beautiful banner, worthy of hanging in my living room amongst my other treasures. But, then I got real with myself and decided that that would take 7748923749 hours of google work ("how to use sewing machine" "sewing machine user manual" "encouraging messages" "inspiration quotes" etc etc) and would likely not end up happening tonight. Instead, I grabbed my trusty scissors, glue and construction paper and thought of the first great quote I could. ...."EVERYTHING IS A MIRACLE, OR NOTHING IS!" Perfect. I don't even know who said it, but it has stuck with me (apparently), so I went with it. (If you want to know you can google it).



Finished product, hanging in the place where nothing hung before, and where nothing was likely to hang anytime soon (despite my best efforts to find just the right thing!):



Taken on my blackberry, because I'm lazy bones, so excuse the poor lighting.

So now I'm just sitting here, soaking up the inspiration. It's not hand sewn, or super fancy or anything, but it's done! Maybe I'll add making a nicer version to the list? I think so. Maybe just a nice big one that says SMILE for the next round. Anyhow, check!

Add to the List...

33. Let Will take me snowboarding
34. Make a kick bum pie for the Pie Party I'm attending on Saturday night
35. Acquire bulldog

36. Make an encouraging banner to hang in my apartment (stolen from Miranda July's project Learning to Love You More)

37. Start blogging Friday mixtapes (unabashedly stealing this idea from Mighty Girl's blog) (I like this much better than "Follow Friday" or any of the other weekly posts I've seen around town)
38. Make my own map of Boston's MBTA to display (my walls are in serious need of more things on them.. I've got so many more walls in this apartment than my last one!) (Inspired by the New York Times' Your Life, Your Map project)

#4 Get Good at Making Soup (Part 2)

Mmmmmm, so I promised directions on Soup 2 last night, and I think while I am devouring a large tasty breakfast of it (because I awoke from the dead at 11:00am... my life rules), I will deliver! So here is Part 2 of my mission to try my hand at making soup (for Part 1 of this adventure, click here).

Okay

Soup #2
Peanut and Squash Soup (also from myrecipes)

Step 1: Heat enough peanut oil to coat the bottom of your soup pot. Add one butternut squash, peeled and cubed, (MAN IS IT EFFING HARD TO PEEL AND CUBE A BUTTERNUT SQUASH, try and pawn this task off on some unknowing passerby, TRUST ME), half an onion, chopped, 6 cloves minced garlic, 1/2 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp cumin, 1/4 tsp coriander and saute until onion is tenderish (appx 5 minutes).



Also here's some proof of what a pain in the bum butternut squash is:



I needed not one, but THREE utensils to tackle this guy. When I read "peel the squash" I went and grabbed my apple peeler and started to peel away. Don't do that, because I pretty severely damaged my peeler (sheesh, aren't you lucky you have me around to make these mistakes for you). So I grabbed a serrated knife, sawed the squash into quarters, and then used it to peel away the outside layer (total pain in bum, again, and be super careful not to hack off any fingers). Then I cubed it, using the dullest butcher's knife ever known to mankind, because I bought it from Walmart like 4 years ago when I had no foreseeable interest in chopping things ever.

Then you have to scoop out all the inside guts and seeds, with a melon baller, preferably. Or a simple kitchen spoon if you're a simple Rookie like myself (seriously, dead chefs across the globe probably turn over in their graves when I attack a recipe).



So, yes, that part sucked. It probably will suck less for you, because you're not me, and I did it, so you can do it too. And, it definitely satiated any desire I had to carve a pumpkin and make pumpkin seeds this year, because that is like FOUR times as much work. Ay-yi. Okay

Step 2: Add 4 cups of chicken broth, 3/4 cup smooth peanutbutter (I accidentally bought chunky (seriously, I told you, not Supermarket Sweep contestant material even remotely), which worked fine, but I imagine smooth would be... better), 2 tbsp tomato paste, and 1/2 tsp crushed red pepper. Boil. Then simmer, uncovered for 10 minutes, or until squash is squishy enough to eat.

Step 3: Toss in some cilantro and voila!



And now I have enough soup to eat every meal for a week!

#4 Get Good at Making Soup

It is 1:01am, and I have just finished making not one, but TWO glorious batches of soup! Yup, Steph the TaskMaster came out to play today - I went to the gym, grocery shopped, went to a two hour training for work in Newton, and cleaned the house a little bit. I never get that much done in one day, ever! Of course, I owe my productivity completely to the fact that it was Field Trip Day at work, which meant that instead of working 1:30-6:00, I worked 8:00-1:00 (and got to see Under the Sea in IMAX 3D at the Aquarium, which was, despite having a crying Kindergartener in my lap for all 45 minutes of it, pretty sweet). But anyway, I was feeling totally (and unusually) driven when I got home tonight, and decided to embark on my soup-making mission full force.

These soups are both really simple and quick to make (and I am pretty sure they are tasty, but won't have a second opinion until tomorrow, but... you can trust me I think, right?) so I am about to cover both soup recipes in detail, because I think you should make them both. SO PAY ATTENTION. TAKE NOTES. Are you ready? Good, here I go.

Soup #1
Hot and Sour Soup with Shrimp (from myrecipes)

Step 1: Combine 3 cups of chicken broth, 1/2 cup sliced mushrooms, 1 tbsp soy sauce and 1 small can of sliced bamboo shoots. Boil. Then, reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes.

Looks like this:



Step 2: Run 1 1/2 lbs of medium, frozen, de-veined, ezpeel shrimp (mouthful!) under cold water to defrost and peel away skin / creepy crawly legs / tail. Chop 8oz of drained, firm tofu into cubes.





After Step 1 has simmered for 5 minutes, add shrimp, tofu, 2 1/2 tbsp lemon juice and 1 tsp of white pepper. Boil. Cook for 2 minutes, or until shrimpys are cooked (you'll know because they'll turn pink!)

Step 3: In a bowl, stir together 2 tbsp water and 1 tbsp corn starch. Add to pot, whisking constantly for 1 minute.

Step 4: Beat one egg white in a bowl (actually you should've done this earlier guys, sorry). Drizzle slowly into pot, stirring constantly. Then remove from heat. Add 1/4 tsp chili oil (a little goes a long way) and a handful of chopped green onions.

And... you're done! See, told you that was easy! The hardest part was shopping for ingredients and that's only because I am a complete loser when it comes to finding stuff in the grocery store (so don't ever ask me to go on Supermarket Sweep with you just because I am outlandishly heroic at every other television game show, because I won't even let you set yourself up for failure like that, I'll just say no. Consider yourself warned.). The soup:



I'll post the other soup tomorrow. It is (drum roll) Peanut and Squash Soup, which sounds both disgusting and like my two favorite things ran into one another, bumped heads and accidentally fell into a pot of boiling chicken broth - but, I promise, it's tasty.

I think I said that I needed to make like 5 soups to consider this item completed... and that I've only posted one so far. But, I'm giving this a CHECK anyhow, because I am in charge here and can do that and it turns out that soups are actually pretttttty easy to make, and I'm already like the bomb.com at it. Go me!

#5 Write Love Letters

On the list this reads "Write love letters to all the important people in my life." Well, there are a lot of you, and I'm busy, so I decided to start with the most important one - my Memere, who just bought me a brand new car two weeks ago.

For those of you that didn't know, this brand new car has since been rear ended by some jerk-off hipster jerk-off, and is still in the process of being mended back to newness, which has made me pretty upset. My Memere has been really supportive, sending me positive notes (and checks, thank-you Memere!) like the "Don't be upset over this, just get it fixed and enjoy" one I opened this morning that made me decide today was the day to sit down and write her a nice, thoughtful thank-you letter. Thank-you letters always seem like a chore when I set out to do them, but once I started writing I realized 1) that I had a lot to tell her (like how I am planning on making some deliciously tasty soups in the near future, because we sort of have an inside joke (what are we 13??) about soup ever since she came to visit and my mom and dad WOULDN'T FEED HER WHEN SHE WAS HUNGRY AND SHE HAD TO EAT CANNED SOUP) and 2) that it felt really, really great to tell someone I love how much I love them and to imagine how happy she'd be when she opened a letter from her granddaughter. Cool! I will put it in the mail on my way to work today.



A goofy photo of me holding said note, for your time. (Which reminds me that I need to add "get a haircut" to the list).

So partial check or whatever to this item on the list. Maybe I will get around to the rest of the important people in my life sometime soon. Maybe you'll have to buy me a car first. We shall see.